the roller coaster

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Originally uploaded by grendelsdj

you know that part in the movie parenthood where mary steenbergen and steve martin are having the conversation about her being pregnant and whether or not he will eat crow and go back to his job as they are getting ready to go to one of the kids plays. the grandmother interrupts and tells the little story about how she always liked to ride the roller coaster but some people didn't. then the film makers totally ruin the subtlety and make roller coaster sounds a little later as their little bastard trashes the school play in a "gosh what an adorable disaster" kind of way. i am on the roller coaster.

i like the moving, i like being on the precipice of change, but i've been standing on the precipice of so many changes without going over for so long that i hardly believe that it is real this time. which i am slightly frightened by considering we close on monday and have to be out of our house completely bu june 10th. which was a bit of a surprise. so much for a leisurely move in, looks like we will be having the usual.

and still, i am unable to take any of it too seriously.

on a different note, i just finished reading the death of ivan ilyich the other night and it has me all drawn into mental fits. it is impossible not to see the similarities between ivan ilyich and my dad, and considering that it is told primarily from ivan's point of view, i am finding a sympathy that i didn't have before. and one that is far too late in coming i guess. i've also recently made some interesting leaps in self-awareness about my orphaness and how i have stayed an orphan because of my own adherence to silly propriety. it's a good read. i recommend it.

ok, i can scratch blogging off my list of things to do today.